he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
