I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
where am i from again
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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