I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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