Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
