Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
