i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
