It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
