nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
