I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
