I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
