Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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