ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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