you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
