cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
