So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
