Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
