saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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