we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
