The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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