The maid of honor just puked.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ttyl tear gas
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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