Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Randomize
