We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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