She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think i have two assholes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
