Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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