I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
