My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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