it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
