I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
