I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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