My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
