i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
