I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
