Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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