You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
