at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
