so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
