I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
