before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
