also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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