She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
