just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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