Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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