Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
