Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
