I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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