lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
