How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
