so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
