I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
