smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
