at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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