who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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