ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
