How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
