When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
