I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
